


You probably think that you are better now

by daenerys_my_khaleesi



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angry Natasha, Angry Steve, Angst, Cheating, F/M, Feels, I'm sorry Sharon, Idiots in Love, Jealous Natasha Romanov, Jealous Steve Rogers, Jealousy, Romanogers AU, Sexual Tension, a hell of slow burn, and I'm sorry for the slow burn, both are idiots when it comes to love, but the wait is worth (I hope), eventuell smut, romanogers - Freeform, they do both stupid things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2020-05-18 13:28:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19335460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daenerys_my_khaleesi/pseuds/daenerys_my_khaleesi
Summary: The story is a kinda post-CATWS AU (I can’t exactly place it yet) in which Steve has enough of his crush on Natasha. On a mission, Steve gets angry and frustraded by jealousy and gets an idea how to repress his feelings for the Black Widow. Little does he know that he isn’t the only one who has hidden feelings for her partner. Unfortunately, Steve has taken Natasha’s advice and now wants to date the tall, blonde and (to Nat's disappointment) pretty agent called Sharon Carter. A story full of jealousy, angst, (smut? mhmm…) and feelings.It's the first fanfic I ever made and English isn't my first language, so please have some mercy with me and my mistakes lol





	1. The Trigger

 

 

 

Steve was still dressed in the clothes of the latest mission.

He smelled of alcohol, heavy expensive perfume and sweat, but he didn’t care. He had driven straight up to address he was given. As Steve parked his motorbike he noticed that the apartment complex looked clean, new and expensive, a bit too much for his own liking.

The mission, he just came from, went pretty well in Steve’s eyes. The main task was to arrest Thomas Kliemann, a German scientist who got detected to work for Hydra. Kliemann was accused to provide Hydra with never seen weapons which can be used as a threat in Hydra’s hands. He was a typical frustrated investor who had greater plans with his new weapons, which weren’t used as he imagined it and didn’t get the money he wanted to. Consequently Kliemann quit his job and disappeared from the radar and since he was recently spotted in New York, it was Steve’s and Natasha’s job to stop Kliemann and his work.

Basically the mission went according to plan. But _everything else_? … Well, everything else was the reason why he stood alone in front of Sharon’s door instead of watching some movies on his couch with Natasha.

 

– – – – – – – 6 hours earlier – – – – – – –

Steve took a closer look at the surroundings around him.

It wasn’t a gala they visited as usual. The celebration didn’t take place in an old building with huge chandeliers and wall paintings from other times. No, it was one of these modern, super trendy events that has never happened before. He didn't even know what the gala was about, but the seize of the hall and the expensive looking facility spoke for itself. Probably an auction or it was just a pretense to party.

On the ceiling of the large hall was placed a steel scaffolding, on which the blue headlights glowed to the ground. It was dimmed like in a bar or in a strip club, not that Steve would know how it looked there. On the floor the lights created a pattern of unknown, abstract forms. The walls were made of bearers and pipes that reflected lightly in the Pacific blue light. In the middle of the room stood the bar, which was made of white frosted glass and with black marble plates on it. The overpriced alcohol bottled in too well-designed bottles waited to be drinked in the cupboards underneath, as well as the many glasses and other stuff to serve a drink. Above the bar hung a kind of chandelier of neon lights that shined in a dark red.

The mysterious atmosphere caused by the red and blue of the lights that mingled in the room and the many shadow that wrapped up the room fittet well in the surrounding. Just as the place was strange and mysterious, so were the people. They were all dressed up in black. Steve noticed that nowadays black was a popular color to wear. It mostly reminded him of Natasha, because her usual clothes were often black. Even on mission she tried to dress in black, no matter what cover they got.

"It emphasizes my eyes and my red hair", she once said to him with her typical sly smirk, "And black pants make a good ass." He blushed as Natasha winked at him, turned around and walked with a secure sway of her hips and gave him a show of her backside. She didn’t lie.

-

The Super Soldier was infiltrated as of the four barkeepers. He has never seen a place where was drank as much alcohol as here. The bar was accessible from every side, giving him a perfect position to observe the people who sit on the many white angular tables and chairs that were arranged in rows around the bar. He was busy making people drinks and barely had time to watch Natasha and her target. It was Natasha who played the active part in the mission. Steve just had to watch her back from the bar. His only task: give Natasha a drink that will knock the target down for a long „beauty sleep“ as she told him earlier.

He felt a bit useless, seeing her sitting next to Kliemann three meters away from him. They sit with their faces faced to him so he had a perfect view of both of them. He had to admit that Thomas Kliemann wasn't the usual stereotype scientist. Kliemann had long, brown hair that was tied up high at his head as a men bun. He had dark drown eyes and a full mouth, high cheekbones and his bare, tattooed forearms showed that he indeed did some sports. He didn't even looked a bit German, thought Steve had seen many German soldiers during the war.

He reminded Steve of a smaller version of Khal Drogo of Game of Thrones, with the exception Kliemann wasn’t looking as dangerous as the Khal. Natasha was madly in love with the series and more in love with Daenerys. He remembered once when she said that "Khal Drogo looks like a snack" – her words not his. Steve never said it loud, but often he was totally confused by the complicated plot, the weird names and naked people jumping around (he almost blushed every time and Natasha would laugh that her whole face lit up and mock him for it). He was just enjoying it to see Natasha watch episode after episode.

-

He had his hands full to supplying sugar-sweet cocktails to three slightly drunk ladies who camped on the barstools in front of him, meanwhile he had a steady eye on Natasha. Every two seconds one of the ladies giggled like a teenage girl, even though he assessed them to be at least 25 years old, but what did he know. He certainly couldn’t tell the age of a dame these days because of all the make-up, fake hair and fake lashes. He hoped they were old enough to drink the amount of alcohol they ordered just yet.

Steve just handed Laura, one of the gigglers, another cocktail as he (thanks to his super hearing) heard Natasha laughing out loud at one of the many bad jokes Kielmann told her. Sure, she was just doing her job, but something inside him tingled at how Natasha was looking at the scientist with those big, deep green eyes and the flutter of those long lashes. In return Kielmann looked at her like she was the only thing in the world he wanted to stare at.

Steve couldn’t blame him. Admittedly, he wasn't the only one who ogled at her like that. Sometimes Steve wondered if Nat never noticed his love struck stares or quick glances he gave her all the time or if she just pretended she didn’t see them. He didn’t know for which of these two options he should hope for.

Nevertheless, jealousy flooded through him as Kliemann didn't inconspicuously stare at her generous neckline, which didn’t leave much to the imagination what was waiting underneath the little black thing that Natasha called a dress. It was hugging her curves perfectly at the right places and it ended just ten inches where her thighs met. The dress was by far the shortest he saw on Natasha. Hell, far the shortest he saw on anyone. It was so skin-thigh it looked like a second skin on her. The neckline was set so low that the edge of her bra could almost be seen. Natasha was wearing a necklace with a diamond medallion that hung exactly between her breasts.

It was impossible not to stare at the… medallion.

The mini dress was just hold by two thin spaghetti straps and her hair hang lose in perfectly made curls to her bare, slim shoulders.

Lord, did that dress do things to Steve. He always had a living imagination, he often found himself fantasize about Natasha in the different situations. Like when they were sparring and he yielded, she helped him to stand up. Then he often asked himself how it would feel to have her fingers tangled in his hair or how her light, tiny hands would feel in his own calloused big ones. Or in the battlefield when he heard the sounds in his ears as she groaned while she punched an enemy in his face. He wondered which sound she would make when he would go down on her to…

"Fuck!" muttered Steve to himself as he almost dropped a glass. He acted clumsy like his old self before become Captain America and noticed from the corner of his eye that Natasha watched with amusement his almost happened mishap. Embarrassed, he looked on the floor and shook his head to get the inappropriate pictures out of his head and placed the glass carefully on the counter.

After a moment, he gazed up again to check Natasha. It didn’t helped that Natasha chose this very moment to lean forward. Steve couldn't suppress the urge and his gaze glued to her breast which were pushed upwards by her bending over to Kliemann. She whispered something in Kliemann’s ear with her rough voice that he quite couldn't understand. Meanwhile, she smirked to the soldier. Kliemann was unaware what his new found date was doing because he looked at her shocked and aroused at the same time. What did she say to him that he was shocked and nearly drooling at the same time? Kliemann also leaned a bit forward to place his right hand on her tight and his left on the table. He trapped her – more or less.

Kliemann thought he had her, but oh how wrong he was. Natasha had him where she wanted to him, wrapped around her finger. For Steve Nat looked like a spider and the Kliemann like the prey that got trapped in her web. She flashed a evil grin to the soldier. The scientist was as good as a goner. She knew exactly what she was doing to both of the men. Her smirk grew even more confident if that was even possible.

Sometimes Steve hated her. He hated her for her good looking. He hated her confidence and that she knew what effect she had on people, especially on him (she often teased him with it). He hated her for knowing everything that went on in his head. He hated her for her jokes and teasing tone, that it was never awkward with her. He hated her for stealing his heart. He hated her for clouding his thoughts and for hunting him in his dreams he had every night. He hated her that she was so much more than the Black Widow and the cool, cold. mask she puts on. He hated her for knowing that she would rather wear an oversized hoodie and leggings than this dress. He hated her for letting him know the real Natasha who loved romantic movies, camomile tea, pancakes, old music and cats.

He hated her and yet he loved her. He was doomed.

"One of your best whiskey and a vodka shot."

Steve snapped back to reality. Natasha.

She leaned on the counter with her back to him, elbows placed on the counter, her muscles of her back flexed under her skin. He murmured something to himself as he got the glasses and the desired alcohol from the cupboards. Did he mention that the dress was also backless?

"No alcohol during work time", he mocked her with a ernst expression and handed her the prepared whiskey and her vodka shot.

She turned around to face him. She's gorgeous, he said to himself like a hundredth time.

"He’s only talking about himself and his science stuff", she sighed and looked into the distance. "Like I wouldn't know what a XC1 800c could do to a person."

Steve struggled, "Yeah… sure." (he had no clue what she was talking about)

"Nevermind." Natasha accepted the drinks. She looked up to him, straight in his blue eyes. He waited for her to talk, he could sense she wanted to say something.

"This all…", she made a circling gesture with the vodka in her hand, "…is soon over. That flirting ist exhausting."

Steve’s eyebrows popped up.

"I didn't said it wasn’t fun."

"Sure, Nat. You’re flirting with me the whole time. It can't be that exhausting to you", Steve replied.

Without a word, she turned around to take her way to Kliemann. After a few steps she glanced over her shoulder at Steve.

"That, my dear soldier…," she smiled a genuine smile, "…is something completely different."

Steve stuck the words in his throat and looked after her in puzzlement.

Kliemann welcomed her at their table with a (in Steve’s eyes) dirty smirk, where Natasha once again sit down and got in her role. The scientist took his drink from her and they clinked glasses. Natasha didn't even flinch as both drank their drink in one sip. After they gazed each other in the eyes, she whispered again something in his ear and Kliemann’s gaze turned dark and hungry.

"Then let’s go. I’m going to show you a good time Natalie", Steve could overheard.

That was the signal. Everything worked according to plan. Kliemann stood up from his seat and stretched out his hand to Natasha. With grace and genteelness, she took his hand. Kliemann placed his other hand on the small of her back and led her to the elevator. As they walked through the rows, Kliemann's hand kept moving down Natasha's back to her buttocks.

Steve clanged his hands to fists, his blood boiled.

Steve excused himself at one of the other barkeeper in order to go to the toilet. Instead he inconspicuous followed the pair that entered the just arrived elevator. A Ding! chimed and the doors began to close. He tried to control himself, he really tried. Until Steve witnessed Kliemann moving closer to Natasha. She backed away until her back hit the wall. The last thing Steve could see was how Natasha’s lips hit the lips of the other man.

It was the last thing he saw, before he saw red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, that escalated quickly. Why would Nat kiss Kielmann? What will Steve do next? Mhmmm...
> 
> -
> 
> Next chapter: Nat's POV  
> Uploading: Sunday
> 
> -
> 
> I had to include the reference to GoT, I had to!  
> Even tho it makes no sense that Kliemann is German, but who cares lol
> 
> There are still some mistakes I didn't find yet, I will correct them later. I just promised to publish this chapter today, so here we are.
> 
> Some things are maybe a bit confusing, but in the next chapters it will (hopefully) become clear.
> 
> Long story short: Hope you enjoyed reading this and I hope I did the characters well (it's really difficult to write).  
> Have a nice day and see you around!


	2. The Escalation

 

 

Everything went too fast.

The next thing Steve could remember was standing in front of a black room door.

No idea how he made it up there so fast. Maybe the stairs? That would explain why he was so out of breath.

He heard the blood shoot through his veins. He was running hot.

Trembling with adrenaline, the soldier took a deep breath and somehow tried to pull himself together. All sorts of scenarios went through his mind about what the two were doing right behind the door.

Steve looked at his watch, 5 minutes. _5 more minutes._

Natasha had stated clearly that he was only allowed to enter the room after 5 minutes she went upstairs with Kliemann. "Wait till the five minutes are up", he said to him with a facial expression that told him not contradict her. "Did you hear me Steve? Steve? If you come in early, I'll make you a head shorter."

It sounded like a real threat, not with the usual mocking undertone. He was supposed to listen to her, but right now he didn't care a single bit.

He couldn’t stand here for 5 minutes. What was she thinking? Why was he always excluded from half of the mission and wh–

A loud, muffled moan was heard through the door followed by a stretched "Fuck!". And it came from no man.

Steve's vision turned red again.

Without thinking further, he kicked down this goddamn door. Even before the door hit the floor, Steve jumped into the room.

 _"What the fuck Rogers_?!"

The first thing he saw was Natasha in the middle of the room straddling Kliemann’s back on the bed. The man faced the white blanket with his face. His body laid motionless under Natasha, either it had been the sedative from the drink or it had been her.

Steve stood there paralyzed, he had literally fallen into the house with the door.

Natasha looked like she got out of a fight. Her hair was messed up, a strap hung over her shoulder, her dress slipped up to a dangerous height, her look was heated… It more looked like they slep–

"What the fuck are you doing?!", she repeated loud and enraged.

She sounded pissed, really pissed, but she wasn’t the only one here.

"What are _you_ doing Romanoff?", Steve countered rather aggressive and breathed out heavily.

"My _job_ obviously. Something you can’t say!"

"I was doing my job until you decided to… to…"

"Until I what?", she snapped as she got off Kliemann and the bed to rummaged through Kliemann's trouser pockets and pulled out a cell phone.

Her voice was cold and sharp like ice, it caused a shiver on Steve's back, which he ignored.

He was fumbling with his words and just stared at her in anger and she stared back to him. Steve hoped she could read all his thoughts in his eyes.

"C’mon Stevie, tell me what you want to say." Now she talked to him like he was a child who was to shy to ask for a candy. It was just missing that she bent down and patted her thighs.

"Until you decided to get personal with the target! What were you thinking? He’s working for Hydra for god’s sake!", he threw his arms in the air in frustration.

To that she just snorted and connected the cellphone with the laptop after she pulled it out from under the bed. Steve followed every move she made. Laying it on a table, she typed fast on the keyboard of the laptop and a window piped open on the screen, a loading bar popped up. Another side mission he wasn't informed about.

"Uhm yes?", she interrupted the tense silence. "And well, I was _alone_ in an elevator with him and he was quite taken by me. What should I have done? Kiss him on his cheek?"

Every word she said was spoken louder. Steve opened his mouth to say something, but like always she was faster than him.

"You know me Rogers. That’s how I work! I dress myself in cheap outfits", she said while pointing down at herself. "I flirt with my target. I seduce them. I distract them to get what we’re looking for."

"You don’t have to do that!"

"It worked! So why are you complaining?!" _Because it’s hurting me to see you with some else._

He couldn't say that, instead, he ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

"You don’t understand it… You don’t have…" Steve sighed and looked to Kliemann’s body on the bed.

"This leads to nothing.“ He sighed again.

He turned around to get out of this small room. Without looking at her he said, "I’m calling Hill. Kliemann can’t stay here like he is now. Do what ever you’re doing, I won’t stop you." Even he could the disappointment in his voice.

The next thing he could hear was how the air left his lungs as he was spun around and hit the wall next to the door.

"What's this bullshit about? _Huh_?", Natasha uttered out between clenched teeth.

She had put him on the wall with the weight of her upper body. Her right hand twisted his left arm so that he count move it. At his throat was pressed her other arm, he hardly got air. Stunned by her sudden attack, Steve could not do more than relax his body so he would not hurt himself.

Their faces were merely a few inches apart, so he could feel her warm breath on his neck.

"I had to distract this asshole. He got suspicious because you were watching me the entire time with that stupid heated look in your eyes."

She came even closer to him and looked up to his eyes. Her eyes burned with a dangerous fire.

"I had to distract him from you all the time, which was by the way extremely annoying. And that was not enough for you!" She pressed her whole body to him and her arm squeezed even harder his throat.

"You endangered the whole mission by following us like an insane person you are. In the elevator, I had to divert Kliemann's attention so he wouldn’t see a pompous, angry super soldier stumping in our direction who looked like  he wanted to kill him with his bare hands", spatted the spy out. "So he wanted to fuck me sooner as I thought and the soporific hasn't worked yet, so I had to let him sleep in another way." 

The air around them began to flicker. You could cut the tension with a knife.

"So don't fucking tell me, what I’ve done!", Natasha added in her rage.

"What do you want from me? Should I just stand there and watch you and his guy who molests you? You deserve better than that Nat!", Steve could not hold back anymore. All the emotions flowed through his body and clouded his thoughts. Suddenly he moved a knee between her legs.

Surprised by the abrupt movement, she let the grip on him loos for a moment, he took the chance and with his free hand he grabbed her wrist at his throat. With all the strength he could muster, he rolled them over that she was now trapped between him and the wall. Steve was so blinded by his anger and hurt that he didn’t pay any attention to his strength. He pushed her with his entire length against the wall, because Natasha was as good as two heads shorter than him, she no longer touched the floor with her feet.

For a moment, Steve thought he saw something flashing in her eyes. Arousement?

She seemed to be taken back, but recovered quickly and it got replaced by anger once more.

"I don’t need you to protect me!", Natasha she almost screamed.

"Everybody needs someone, even the Black Widow!"

"Why do you even care? You’re not my boyfriend for fucking’s sake!"

It shot him like lightning. She was right.

He had no right to protect her, she was doing perfectly fine alone and that realization felt like a punch in his face. She didn’t need him, not as he needed her.

Because of all the flirting and the small things that had gotten him to know the real Natasha, he always had the hope in the back of his head that she returned his feelings. What about those times when they were curled around each other on his couch after a movie marathon and take-away food? Or all the time, when she sit on the kitchen counter with this sweet smile on her lips and her stupid tea in hand, watching him cook? Or all insiders and jokes they had, were they all meaningless? Or that they often slept together in his bed because of their nightmares? Had he misinterpreted all this?

Steve wanted to hit himself. Hard.

 _How about a friend?_ He thought that there was so much more hidden in the sentence, but it seemed he was wrong. She only saw him as a friend, but that was not enough for him.

If he wouldn't be so mad and hurt, he would laugh at himself.

"Right, and I was stupid enough to believe I will someday." With that he stormed out of the room and left her behind.

On his way out, Hill and some agents met him in the hallway, he simply nodded at them and ran past them, he walked through the big hall, ignoring the many people around him. Arrived outside, he went straight to the parking spot where his motorbike stood.

The engine roared loudly as he started the engine. _I have to forget her. She’s the death of me. She's not feeling the same._

Then he got an idea. An advice Natasha often gave him. A perfect distraction and she wasn't red-headed.

In the shadow of the night, without looking back, Steve drove through the streets, straight to the address Sharon had given him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... the bomb exploded. Maybe too sudden and rushed, but I want to write the real plot at this point.
> 
> The next chapter continues where the story begins, at Sharon's apartment door.
> 
> -
> 
> follow my romanogers tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/nat-and-steve for more and sneak peeks
> 
> -
> 
> I decided to write the first chapters in Steve's POV to explain the main plot and the beginning of all things. The next one will be Nat's POV to explain her behavior, I promise :)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the second chapter! Leave some comments and Kudos, if you want <3


	3. The Decision

 

 

Natasha slumped against the wall.

 

_What the hell happened?_

 

She knew Cap never got quite warm with her methods, but he had never shown such a reaction.

 

Either she had never seen him so in turmoil, let alone uncontrolled. His whole body was tense, his grip on her wrist had not been half as restrained as usual.

 

Her head was buzzing with adrenaline, which was spilled by her arguments. She reached for the bridge of her nose with her hand and somehow tried to calm down again by circling movements.

 

Actually, she always wanted to be in control, but that had surprised her so much to lose her composure for a moment.

 

Now she imagined what Steve could do with her.

 

"Shit," she exclaimed, after a few minutes her body was still in flame. She cursed herself for liking how Steve had manhandled her.

 

She closed her eyes and sighed into the room.

 

_I screwed up. I didn’t have to tease him like I did earlier. That’s not fair forwards him. Damn it, Natasha! You always have to mess up everything because you can’t control yourself._

 

She was pissed off at herself. Banging her head once, twice against the wall, she tried to slam the stupidity out of her.

 

_He’s too good for me. I will wreck him. He doesn't even like me that way!_

 

"What you're doing doesn’t look healthy," she heard a familiar voice from her left.

 

"Hi Hill," Natasha retorted without looking and pushed herself elegantly off the wall.

 

The agent headed straight for Kliemann who laid still unconscious on the bed.

 

"Rogers met us. Looked a bit through the wind. Has anything happened?“ Hill asked as she inspected the laptop and cell phone from the table next to the bed.

 

"Nope."

 

„Mhm… one look to the kicked in door, and I don’t believe you“, Agent Hill said a bit amused as she turned Kliemann’s body to his side and and put three fingers on his pulse point, probably to check if they had to get rid of a corpse. Their luck, they didn't have to.

 

Natasha stood beside her and innocently crossed her arms at her back like she wasn’t the reason for Kliemann’s situation, watching the other woman attentively.

 

Hill whistled softly through her teeth, "You pretty much knocked his lights out."

 

"Was even easier than it looks."

 

The agent raised her eyebrows, and gave her the _„You-have-to-be-kidding-me“_ -look, she had read Kliemann’s file.

 

Natasha grinned. _Yeah maybe it wasn't that easy, but she won’t tell that._

 

More agents flooded in the hotel room, time to say goodbye.

 

"As always, it was an honor to work for you", she slightly bowed and smirked to Hill.

 

The agent just shook her head, laughed and shooed her out of the room.

 

Natasha was almost out the doorframe when she heard, "Don’t do that."

 

"Do what?“ Natasha turned around.

 

"Pretend like everything is fine", Hill looked straight at her with concern.

 

"Fix, whatever happened between the two of you. We can’t afford to lose you as a team. The poor guy looked pretty hurt."

 

"How do you–"

 

"Please Nat."

 

The Russian tarted her eyes away from Hill’s face and stared forward.

 

_She had not been the one who had started with all that shit. And why did she have to fix this now?_

 

Steve.

 

It was ridiculous how easy he was to read as no one else. _Not everybody can hide their true feelings like you, you dump._ _Steve wears his heart on his sleeves._

 

Sometimes it was a god damn curse to be able to read people perfectly, she saw all the feelings and pains for which she was responsible for and not.

 

_But what if he was like everybody else and just desired her by her looks?_

 

_No that’s not Steve. He’s pure, gentle, gorgeous…_

 

As her thoughts get carried away, her body tensed up, like a self-defense from feelings. An ability she learned many years ago, to not get too much attached to other people, especially to men.

 

She had to get rid of that. She had to get some stress relief.

 

If she was honest, Natasha wanted to get out of that dress as quickly as possible and watch Netflix with Steve on his couch (they were still limping behind his list of missed movies), with popcorn and a couple of beer. The one vodka shot has made her want more. _More of what?_

 

 _Duh._ Slowly her thoughts adapted to that stupid short dress.

 

But first, fix things with Steve.

 

-

_Ding! Dong!_

 

"Hello?", a female voice asked through the speaker at the door.

 

"Eh, Hi... Here's Steve." A short pause. "Steve Rogers."

 

_Gosh, Steve... as if she did not know who you are._

 

"Oh, hi Steve. Wait, I'll open in a minute."

 

Steve heard someone hectic walking behind the door cleaning up things. Clearly, Sharon hadn’t expected anyone to come over tonight.

 

The footsteps grew louder and the key was turned on the other side of the door.

 

"Hi Steve", Sharon said with a slight smile on her face as she opened the door.

 

She was already dressed in her night clothes and probably wore a Cadigan over the bright green nightgown because of him. Her blond, long hair were open in soft waves, her face still showing remnants of make-up, that she had not completely finished off yet.

 

"I-I'm sorry to bother you... you probably just wanted to go to bed..." Steve stammered out, not knowing, what exactly he was doing here.

 

He hadn’t thought through his plan so far. With women who weren’t from work like Maria or Natasha, he always had his problems. He never knew how to behave, what to say to not act clumsy.

 

"Don't worry, I wasn’t tired enough anyway", Sharon laughed as she shrugged her shoulders.

 

Steve didn’t answer her what caused a pregnant pause. A bit shyly Sharon looked up to him and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

 

"Do you want to come in?" She said as she pushed the door a little further and pointed in. "I just started a new episode of Friends and Pizza is still in the oven", she offered to him.

 

Despite the unexpected visit, she behaved normally, as if nothing weird happened like that he stood at 2 clock in the morning in front of her apartment door.

 

He was thankful for that.

 

-

 

On the way to her car, Natasha fished her cellphone out of the bag she had picked up in the hotel room before.

 

"Call Steve Rogers", she spoke as she pressed the "unlock"-button on her car keys.

 

"Calling Steve Rogers“, instantly replied the robot voice from Natasha's phone.

 

A sound ringed, signaling her that his number has been dialed. While the regular bleeping sounded, she got into her black Corvette, on the way where ever the soldier was.

 

-

 

Steve found himself sitting on Sharon’s couch, laughing at the story she told him about she got pranked by other agents, the pizza had already been eaten and the episode finished, as his phone in his pocket started to vibrate.

 

Without to interrupted Sharon, Steve sneaky looked who was calling him.

 

The display read the name "Natasha Romanoff" with the corresponding image. It was a picture of her holding Nathaniel in her arms.

 

He had taken the picture when they all visited the Barton family. Steve had never seen Natasha so relaxed and lively that day. It seemed she was there herself, without ever being constantly on her guard.

 

The picture showed the two of them from the side, the little boy had his small hands clasped in her red hair, which seemed to glow with light, whereupon Natasha grinned in the camera. Because she was so truly happy, her eyes were half-moons shaped and near the corner of her mouth were tiny dimples that he had never seen before.

 

Steve could still remember her standing like that in front of him.

 

But then the scene of their conversation appeared in his head.

 

He hesitated for a moment. _What should he do?_

 

Like the universe wanted to answer him, the phone stopped vibrating and Natasha’s name disappeared from the display.

 

Steve frowned, only to be again interrupted by his phone and again it was Natasha.

 

As Natasha called for a third time, Sharon asked him "Don't you want to answer? It seems to be important whoever is calling."

 

And again he was thankful that she did not ask any further and took the situation as it was, like it was no big deal.

 

Steve made a decision. He silenced his phone and put his phone back in his pocket.

 

He had to focus on the woman next to him.

 

"No, not so important. Where were we?"

 

-

 

He didn’t answered her calls, on purpose. _Idiot._

 

Natasha knew that he saw her calls, Steve was Steve and normally he always answered calls.

 

But not this time.

 

This time he was ignoring her and that got under her skin, made her even more pissed as she was already.

 

She wasn’t called the best spy of the world without reason, so Natasha simply decided to use her skills to find him. His phone wasn’t turned off, so she could easily locate his position.

 

Maybe he wanted to be found, that they could clarify their dispute face to face and not through the phone.

 

Natasha stopped at a red light and tapped on her phone while waiting for the traffic light to change.

 

She was faster than the traffic light and the address, in which Steve's phone was, displayed to her.

 

_Never ever._

 

The address seemed familiar to her. She had already seen it once.

 

Just at this moment, the traffic lights went up to jump on green, but Natasha couldn’t realize that.

 

She was too stunned where Steve was. He was with Sharon.

 

 _Fuck._ _What have I done?_

 

The spy hit full throttle and turned on the intersection, ignoring the honking of the other cars.

 

She had to go to the gym as fast as possible, otherwise something bad could happened.

 

_-_

 

It was already getting morning as Steve and Sharon were sitting at her kitchen table and she showed him pictures from her youth.

 

He didn't wanted it, but his mood changed slightly and Sharon didn’t miss it.

 

"Hey, you know it’s your business and all, but I’m a bit curious. Why were you coming to me after a mission? You never gave the impression of accepting my invitation. You don’t have to answer, I understand that“, she asked understandingly and took his hand over the table, the slightly squeeze told him he could take his time to answer.

 

But he had to be honest with her.

 

He left his hand where it was, Sharon's touch reassured him a little.

 

"Well… the mission went well, but Natasha and I… we had a argument", he sighed. He hated to have a fight with Natasha, but sometimes they couldn't avoid it. They both were suborn and then it comes quickly to frictions, but normally they would find each other on the couch or in the kitchen and talk about it. And normally they didn't fight because of feelings.

 

Sharon squeezed his hand again and didn't press further. Steve looked at her with a sad smile, he didn't know how to explain everything, he didn't even know what happened, let alone what he and Natasha were for each other.

 

"From your expression I can see that it wasn't a normal fight." Sharon stated. "How about forgetting her and the fight? I have some beer in the fridge. I can get it, if you start the next episode.“

 

She stood up and her hand left his, again she openly smiled at him and didn't hide her feelings for him like she didn't thought this was wasted time.

 

He made the right choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, sorry for the late update but I had my final exams this week. Now I have officially no school anymore! Yay!
> 
> I mixed Natasha's and Steve's POV to show what happens at the same time.
> 
> Nevertheless, I had to finish this chapter. My first time to write about Sharon and I had to rewrite this chapter like 3 times, because I wasn't pleased about how things went.
> 
> At the end I finished it and I hope you enjoyed it :)
> 
> Feel free to comment!
> 
> -
> 
> Ah, and before I forget it: next update hopefully this weekend!
> 
> Visit my Tumblr account (nat-and-steve) for some spoiler ;)


	4. The Pain

 

 

It was around 4 am as the doors of the elevator opened to Steve’s floor.

 

Steve was worn-out and every muscle of his body ached, but not in a complete unpleasant way.

 

He just wanted to fall in his bed and to get a full time of sleep, even a super soldier had to rest sometimes, especially after the lastest events.

 

The fight with Natasha didn't leave his mind but luckily Sharon had tried her best to distract him.

 

He deeply hoped that he could fall asleep quickly that his thoughts wouldn't hunt him as many nights before. When sleep won’t come to him, usually he paid Nat a visit on her floor. Often she was awake, no matter what time, lying in her couch reading a book or watching some movies. _Did she even sleep?_

 

Speaking of sleep, he needed some, immediately. His nerves couldn’t stand anything anymore.

 

His body turned to automatic modus. He took off his boots, put them neatly beside the small table in the entrance where his other shoes were. If it was up to him, he would only need two pairs of shoes, but Natasha insisted on shopping for him. _"You can not walk like a grandpa, not these days. Clothes make people, remember that"_ , she had said with her typical smirk as she handed him a pile of clothes. He had been surprised how well she knew his fashion taste even the clothes fittet in the 21st century. He liked it, even if it was a bit strange at first but he had gotten used to it quickly.

 

Steve turned on the light in the corridor, the warm light wasn't enough to illuminate everything, many shadows darkened his apartment.

 

Steve went straight to his bathroom to get rid of his clothes and to take a shower. He _definitely_ needed a shower; sweat, smoke and perfume from the day had dried on his skin.

 

Arriving at the bathroom, he got rid of his suit, folded it and put it in the hamper. Tomorrow he had to do the laundry, he realized, otherwise he soon had nothing left to wear. Not like Tony or Sam, Steve did his own laundry or food, he wasn't comfortable that other people had to do tasks he easily could handle and he liked to cook, after drawing and reading it was his favorite thing to do, if he had free time between missions.

 

The shower was quick and cold, not letting his thoughts went back.

 

When he was done and got out of the shower, he grabbed a dark gray towel, dried himself sporadically and tied the towel around his waist.

 

Half naked and tiered, Steve stepped in his bedroom, he didn’t even cared to turn on the light, the serum had improved his eyesight that he could almost see in the dark. He reached for a drawer in his dresser where his tops were tucked away, as always, he pulled out a white tank top and threw it over. To get rid of the towel, Steve put on a pair of loose sweatpants that hung low on his hips.

 

In the middle of the movement, as he turned around heading back to the bathroom to stow the towel, he saw something lying on his bed out of the corner of his eye.

 

As his view focused, it got clear; it wasn’t something, it was someone.

 

And that someone laid spread out on his/her side in the middle of his bed.

 

He could make out long bare legs that did not seem to end, one leg was angled to the side over his dark blue blanket. As his eyes wandered up, he discovered that the one was not fully clothed down below but only wore panties. Due to the position of the legs, the backside of the one was well accentuated. Quickly Steve glanced away and his eyes glued to a flat, defined abdomen that was shown because the bright orange tshirt had slipped up. Red hair flowed over the stranger's shoulders.

 

Natasha.

 

After all what happened, she was sleeping soundlessly in his bed.

 

She looked peaceful like that.

 

Her body was wrapped around the blanket like she wanted to feel physical contact to someone, to not feel alone. He felt a slight pang in his heart.

 

Her face was relaxed, without any concern or alertness. Her mouth was slightly open and her eyes fluttered then and there. She was beautiful. Even after a battle covered in blood and mud, dressed up for a mission in a designer dress with heavy diamond jewelry or on a Sunday afternoon dressed in yoga pants and a hoodie, Steve always thought she was beautiful.

 

But in this state, deep in her dreams, her beauty stole his breath away like no one else did.

 

Steve sighed, he was too tired to care that the spie had made herself comfortable in his bed.

 

Without thinking further, he slipped under the cover next to Natasha. As soon as his head hit the pillow, Steve fell into a dreamless sleep.

 

-

 

It was the morning sun that woke up Natasha.

 

The shutters were forgotten to shut down, so warm bright light streamed in the bedroom.

 

It was hot, like she was lying next to a fireplace.

 

Her stomach grumbled; she had probably forgotten to eat something yesterday. As she started to sit up, she noticed that something was lying on her. Something heavy.

 

And then it occurred to her, she was not in her bedroom, but in Steve’s.

 

That would also explain why the sun shone into the room. Natasha preferred to fall asleep in complete darkness and not be awakened in the morning by twittering birds.

 

She looked down at herself and indeed, Steve was laying his head on her stomach, his arm wrapped around her waist. Where his skin touched hers, her skin felt like on fire. She never felt a heat like this. His pose was protective, like he wanted to shield her from the darkness of the world.

 

Natasha dropped back into bed and put her arm over her face, to protect her sleepy eyes from the sun.

 

_What had she thought of just going to his apartment and falling asleep on his bed, apart from the fact that shortly after she had fallen asleep, she startled and was bathed in sweat because of the recurrent nightmare?_

 

She always told herself, that she didn't need anyone else except herself. _Love is for children._

 

She never had a place to stay, to call a home. In the Red Room Natasha never felt loved or wanted, she was just seen as the deadly pretty killer machine who was ready to kill at every command. She had lost herself after everything she did for the KGB and several other clients, how they used and treated her like a monster she was that nobody could dare to love.

 

As she was a little girl, she was taught to lie, to kill, to seduce, to be someone else. And since Clint had saved her, she built walls around her that nobody could tear down, not even the archer.

 

And yet she was lying her, in the bed of a man who was everything she wasn’t, a man she didn't deserved.

 

She knew that Steve wouldn't mind the things she had done, he would say that it was a life time ago, an other life, and that she had already wiped the red in her ledger away. And that's what she meant by saying she wouldn't deserve him, Steve only saw the good in the people.

 

He had never judged her by what the people said about her, he treated her like a normal person and after they were partnered up, the Super Soldier was stuck with her.

 

Slowly but steady, brick after brick, Steve had teared her walls down without her really noticing it.

 

It happened in a blur, quietly and secretly that their relation had moved to more then partners. First to friends and then to something more. It wasn't that they were lovers, for that they both were holding themselves back, but not completely.

 

They had a relationship without having one. It was complicated and Natasha thought it was her fault, because she didn’t knew what she wanted. _How should she know what she wants, if she doesn't even know who she is?_

 

Trying not to waking Steve, Natasha pulled away from him and slipped to of the bed.

 

As she stood at the end of the bed, she looked at him again as he lay there, carefree and without the burden of the world on his shoulders.

 

His blond hair was tousled. Steve was lying on his stomach and had replaced her body with the second pillow, the blanket had slipped down to his waist, so his back muscles were clearly visible through the too small top which he always wore. It was an offense to look as good as he did.

 

She had to get out, otherwise she would do something that she will regret later.

 

On the way out of his floor, Natasha passed silently the wand mirror in the corridor to the elevator, and stopped as she glimpsed that she was dressed only in a oversized T-shirt that belonged to Steve. She remembered how Steve had offered her this old, washed out T-shirt after a mission and she was too tired and worn-out to get to her floor to change. Since then she had never slept without it, it made her feel saver and protected.

 

But she had to save Steve from her. She didn't want to burden him with her secrets and problems, he already had enough worries than that.

 

She was like a black hole that consumed and destroyed everything with no way out.

 

To go, was the hardest thing she had done, but it was necessary, for her and for him.

 

He was with Sharon anyways like she had suggested and teased him like a hundred times about that he liked the agent and every damn time he never made a sign to follow her advice.

 

It had been a game between them, she would enumerate a row of names who could be potential dates and he would laugh at her and make excuses.

 

And now, she hoped she never started it.

 

It broke her, but rather she suffered to spared him the suffering. Steve deserved someone like Sharon, a woman who knows what she wants, to rely on, who has no secrets and a dark past.

 

Hell, the blond suited him perfectly. She was tall and slim, nice and open to everybody, successful in her job and rooted in the soil.

 

The American poster couple that everyone loved.

 

She _fucking_ hated it.

 

-

 

In his sleep, Steve had reached out for Natasha. He could still feel how her warm body had felt beneath his, how their bodies fit together perfectly, like two pieces of a puzzle.

 

But when he woke up he was alone, her scent still lingering on the bedding.

 

Like she was a ghost he could never catch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angsty angst angst. 
> 
> I never planned the chapter to be THIS angsty, but it happened, so I thought "Why not? It will show us how Natasha feels and why she pushes Steve away".
> 
> And I'm so sorry for the update delay, to make it up the next chapter will be around the weekend, I PROMISE! 
> 
> I do not have an exact concept of what will happen. To stay tuned, follow my tumblr account nat-and-Steve :)
> 
> Leave a comment if you want <3


	5. The Complexity

 

 

They never talked about it.

 

They never talked about the night, about their feelings, about everything. For that the two were too stubborn. Instead they ignored it, went on like nothing had happened at all. Well not exactly.

 

Sure, they did missions together and fought side by side, but that was it.

 

They only talked when it was necessary and _if_ they spoke with each other then just professional. Just aquick "Good morning", "Three to your left", "Third floor clean" or "Hostage out“ were spoken, otherwise there was radio silence. Their luck, they didn't even need to speak much on missions, their bodies and minds in full sync during fights, sensing what the other would do next. The only things that broke the silence the gasps, groans and breaths of the other how they fought over the radio audible, no jokes nor light conversations meanwhile.

 

But the ignorance wasn’t the worst.

 

The _worst_? No actions outside of work, no trips on weekends, no lunch break together, no sparring sessions, no hang outs in Steve’s apartment, no more talking until they both fall asleep on his couch – nothing.

 

It was hard to admit but Natasha missed it.

 

Since then, her live consisted only of missions, sparring, training, work and reading.

 

Clint wasn’t in town visiting his family and the others had barely time to do anything. Thor was busy with his kingdom, Tony spent mostly his time with Pepper, on parties and what ever he was doing in his lab. She had not heard of Bruce for a long time, probably trying to bring the big guy under control.

 

The only ones who were left were Hill and Sam.

 

Maria grew over the time closer and closer to Natasha. The agent knew the risks and consequences of working as a spie and often didn't ask many questions. If she wasn’t busy with work or was on mission herself, she mostly spent her free time with Nat. It wasn't often, Maria was quite a busy woman, but better then nothing and Natasha appreciated every damn second. Either they sparred, trained in the gym and practiced at the shooting range together or keeping the other company on the main floor while reading or reading files. She was bluntly and didn't shy away from her, matching her humor with ease.

 

Natasha quickly found herself counting Maria a good friend of her.

 

With Sam it wasn't that easy.

 

Sure, Sam and her get very well along, he was a guy you only could love, but he couldn’t spend much time with Natasha because he hanged out with Steve all the time.

 

Like Natasha, Steve needed someone in his life who kept him company sometimes, to fill the hole that was created by the whole drama. The two men shared the experience of the war and Sam helped Steve with his PTSD, as good as he could.

 

Sam once told her that Steves nightmares had got worser than before and deep down Natasha felt guilty to let Steve deal with it alone. She knew how hard it was, often she was too afraid to go to sleep, the fear of her nightmares keping her awake.

 

"Oh hey Tasha!", Sam called from the kitchen with his back to her. He ran frantically from the oven to the stove, moved a few pots and cursed quietly. _Looks like he tries to make dinner._

 

"Hey", she answered and gave him a small smile, amused by his effort to cook, as she plopped down on one of the couches in the common floor.

 

"You’re early.“ Sam said as he looked down at his watch at his wrist. "I have to hurry. I heard…", he put a handful of noodles in his mouth and continued talking with his mouth full, still busy with cooking "…you guyf kickfd fome affef. "

 

"Well Steve did." Natasha stated and Sam gave her a goofy grin, still with his mouth full and made her laugh.

 

"I was just camping on a roof and shot people a bullet in their head", Natasha added between laughs.

 

"I bet Cap was on the field. He can’t sit still a second."

 

"100 points to you Falcon."

 

"Speaking of when we already talk about the captain. Where is he?"

 

Natasha tilted her head to one side and frowned. "No idea, I thought you know everything about him." A short pause and she shrugged her shoulders. "Didn't see him since we landed in NYC and I had a meeting with Fury, so I don't know."

 

Sam made a face. " _Weird_. I thought you two were best buddies."

 

Natasha threw a smirk at him and said, "You have to work on your interrogation skills Sam. That was a _really_ sad try. And don’t act like you don’t know what happened, you and Steve are literally clued to each other."

 

"Huh, I could say the same thing to you and Maria." Sam scratched his chin exaggeratedly to support his statement.

 

"And now you’re trying to change the topic."

 

"Me and who?“, they got interrupted and the two turned around to see Maria entering the room.

 

As she approached them, Maria took off her jacket and laid it over a chair by the dining table. She was still dressed in her dark blue work uniform, but Natasha noticed that she wore more make-up than usual. Only now did Natasha realize that the table set for two people, when she got in earlier she didn't payed attention to it.

 

The table was meant for at least 6 people, but at the end of the table two plates with cutlery were served, in between two candles had been placed and a bouquet of blue flowers, which Natasha could not name, stood beside it. It looked like–

 

"Hey Maria!", Sam interrupted her thoughts as he circled the kitchen island and received Maria. They hugged and Maria gave him a quick kiss on his cheek. Natasha watched how Sam’s dark brown eyes lit up at the gesture.

 

"I didn't think you would come so early," Sam said as as he slowly pulled back from the hug.

 

"Finished faster than expected." She took a deep breath through her nose and smiled. "That smells fantastic!"

 

Sam looked at her proudly and pulled a chair back for her.

 

"Since when such a gentleman?", Maria teased as she sat down.

 

"Since you said you only dated assholes", Sam winked and went back to the kitchen were the food was already ready to be served.

 

_Okay, that was fucking cheesy._

 

Finally Maria noticed Natasha, "Oh Romanoff, you’re here too?". Natasha could hear the teasing tone in her voice and rolled her eyes.

 

"Shut up, Hill. You noticed me the moment you got in here."

 

Natasha’s eyes flew from Maria to Sam and back.

 

"So, you and Sam?", she asked in a low voice with raised eyebrows that Sam wouldn't hear them.

 

Maria answered only by shrugging her shoulders with an added sly smirk on her face.

 

"You never told me!", she whispered excitedly.

 

"Well it just happened somehow. I don't even know what’s going on", Maria said while she observed Sam in the kitchen.

 

"You look happy. He’s good for you." And it was true. Natasha had never seen Maria as relaxed as she was now and Sam’s funny nature was the right thing in Maria’s hard and strict life.

 

"Thanks, Natasha. That means a lot for me."

 

The spy smiled at her, pushed away from the couch and clapped her hands. She didn't want to interrupt their date.

 

"I’m gonna head out. See ya around guys."

 

They said goodbye to her and when she almost reached the elevator, Natasha shouted "And use protection!".

 

Thereupon she got a loud laugh in answer and grinned to herself as the elevator doors closed behind her and it made its way down. She shook her head.

 

_These two…_

 

-

 

After the latest mission Steve had made his way straight home to shower and change. He dressed in a white dress shirt, dark trousers and black shoes. After he had shaved and styled his hair, he called a cab to pick up Sharon from her apartment.

 

He invited her to a fine and expensive Italian restaurant, Sam had suggest to him. There wasn't much going on, only a few tables were taken. The atmosphere was calm and pleasant, quiet violin music in the background put the whole thing in a romantic mood.

 

While they waited for their food, they had a light talk about the previous mission and about Sharon's new colleague.

 

Sharon talked most of the time, talking energetically and profusely about the new guy, and how she found it weird that there were new hiring just now when fees were actually being cut. Steve listend to her carefully and smiled from time to time.

 

When the food arrived they felt in a comfortable silence and enjoyed their food.

 

After they finished the three course menu, Steve paid and took Sharon’s arm to lead her out of the restaurant. On their way out, they passed the reception and the man from earlier who had lead them to their table approached.

 

"Steve Rogers! Captain America!", he exclaimed. "It was an honor to have hosted you, Captain. And of course your pretty company!"

 

"No need, mister. Thank you for the excellent food, it was delicious", Steve said a bit uncomfortable by being recognized.

 

"You are welcome every time. And next time it's on the house!"

 

"Thank you, sir“, Steve gave the men a small smile and headed with Sharon outside. He wasn't comfortable when people threat him differently, he just wanted to go out like a normal person.

 

"Wow, to be recognized is pretty cool." Sharon stated as they reached the sidewalk. "You can literally eat everywhere for free." She hadn't noticed his unease.

 

"Yeah…", Steve scratched his neck, "I’m not used to the attention."

 

Steve stretched an arm out to signal a cab to stop. It stopped in front of them and Steve hold the door open for her. After he got into the car and handed Sharon's address to the driver, he heard her say, "The evening was great. I hope we will continue this.".

 

He looked to her and smiled. "Me either."

 

He didn’t say something more and conversation died down.

 

While the traffic lights rolled by, Sharon reached out for Steve’s hand who laid next to his thigh on the car seat.

 

They looked into each other eyes and smiled.

 

It felt nice. But something was missing, like the heat he would feel when he touched Natasha.

 

He said goodbye to Sharon as the cab stopped at her address and promised her to sent an message for the next date. He waited until he was sure Sharon was safe at home and told the driver his address.

 

 _How would have been the date with Nat?_ , he wondered.

 

Probably she would insisted to go somewhere unknown. A small pub, a concert in a backyard or a peanut butter sandwich on a rooftop?

 

As the car pulled into the entrance to the Avengers Tower, Steve thanked the driver, paid, and made his way to entrance. It was late, a few people passed and greeted him, Steve was too nice to not greet back. 

 

The soldier was relieved to be finally home and alone when he reached the elevator and pressed the button that called the elevator.

 

He watched how the red numbers on the sign of the elevator counted down to zero.

 

The door opened soundless and Steve almost stumbled over Natasha. Luckily Natasha had great reflexes and dodged him with her all-known grace.

 

"Always nice and slow, Rogers", she spoke as she leaned against the wall opposite from him and crossed her arms over her chest.

 

He copied her movements and also leaned back.

 

"It’s not my fault you’re so small Romanoff", he shoot back and had to bite back a grin.

 

She crooked one perfect eyebrow and her eyes slid up and down his body, he could see how the heat in her eyes formed. He had missed her.

 

"That’s more words in one sentence than everything I heard from you the past weeks."

 

Now it was Steve’s time to look at her reproachfully. _You don’t have to tell me that Nat…_

 

"It's not just me", he more mumbled to himself than to her.

 

"You know I can hear you."

 

How could he forget that she also had some kind of super hearing because of the super serum they gave her in the Red Room.

 

One late night she had slit in his bed after he had sent a message that he didn't want to be alone, she had stroke her slim fingers through his hair and told him a few stories from her past. Good and bad ones, the ones she could barley remember. She had got brained washed many times by the KGB and didn't know which memories were true and which false, but she didn't care at the moment. Then she told him that she was also very old like him because of the serum, but refused to stop her jokes about his age.

 

She wanted to help Steve, even if it would mean to exposed herself. It had let him see her and at the end it had helped.

 

Steve had felt asleep as she told him about Liho the stray black cat with big hazel eyes she had gotten quite attached to.

 

Steve snapped back as he heard the red head saying, "Did you know that Sam and Maria are dating?"

 

He hadn't expected that.

 

"Actually no. But I’m not that surprised, Sam always speaks highly of her."

 

"Huh."

 

An awkward silences felt over them. Natasha stared directly in his eyes, her green pupils consumed him. They did a staring contest, who looks away loses.

 

_Why is this elevator so slow?_

 

"Are you and Sharon dating?", Natasha bluntly asked without blinking with an eye.

 

Steve choked and looked away from her, the floor more interesting than her gorgeous face. She won. Damn her.

 

"What makes you think that?"

 

She shrugged. "You’re barely around. Some friends of you are worried."

 

_Sure Nat, some friends. Like I have so much. Why can’t you just that you’re worried about me?_

 

"Some friends don't have to worry about me. I’m fine. And yes I think Sharon and me are dating."

 

An expression Steve can’t name crossed Natasha’s face.

 

"That surprised you now", he said triumphant and grinned at her. It didn't often happened to see the Black Widow taken back.

 

She pulled her eyebrows together and took her chin between her thumbs and pointed as if she were pondering.

 

"A bit yes. Never thought you would follow an dating advice from me, you gladly refused every time. Looks like you’re a born play boy." She slightly snapped at him and her mood changed from restrained to pissed.

 

He was confused. _What was happenng?_

 

"I’m not a play boy if I take a dame to dates", Steve tried to defend himself.

 

Oh, that wasn't what she wanted to hear.

 

Natasha looked more pissed than before, her face turned into stone showing no emotion.

 

_What was he doing wrong?_

 

She didn't wanted to date him, she told him that he wasn't her boyfriend and would never be. She had stated clearly that she didn't need him.

 

With a twitch the elevator stopped and with a bing the doors opened.

 

Without looking at him, Natasha stepped out of the elevator, her chin high in the air and a body language screaming for annoyance.

 

_Why was everything so complicated?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-oh. Why reacted Nat like that? And Sam and Maria are dating?
> 
> Poor Steve has no clue of the feelings of his partner.
> 
> -
> 
> Like I promised: The fifth chapter! And gosh, that was something. The longest chapter so far and at first it was a fight. I had no real clue what I was going to write, but from time to time I got the clue. And at the end it escalates more than I wanted it to be. Guilty is the unresolved sexual tension.
> 
> Ah and yes, I mentioned the serum that Nat got back then. In the MCU Nat is normal human being without super powers, but if I'm not wrong, in the comics she has some kind of super serum in her blood. It makes her faster, stronger, and improves her senses and healing. The serum isn't as strong as Steve's but who can complain?
> 
> And I ship Sam and Maria. Change my mind.
> 
> Maybe I'll finish the next chapter in the next few days, if not, then unfortunately you have to wait a week because I'm on vacation. Until then!
> 
> Leave comments and kudos if you want <3 and thanks to everybody who clicked and read this story. It means a lot to me :)


	6. The Realization

Natasha was standing the entrance to her floor, Steve’s words running through her mind.

 

_"And yes I think Sharon and me are dating."_

 

_"I’m not a play boy if I take a dame to dates."_

 

Dates, like _plural_. He had went with Sharon on _dates_.

 

This was a fucking nightmare.

 

Natasha was so incredibly angry with him. She could just explode by anger, she was already trembling all over. And she wanted to punch someone. Hard.

 

She cringed at the thought of Steve and Sharon on a date.

 

Certainly, he had took the blonde to dinner in a fancy, romantic restaurant, the whole evening a living cliché. She could literally see Steve how he had opened the car door and had helped Sharon out like the real gentleman he was. Natasha rolled her eyes at the thought.

 

He had been nervous, Natasha thought, certain as ever when it comes to women. Probably, he run his hands through his hair now and then, only to rumple it up and for sure he had run his tongue over his lower lip.

 

A habit of him that showed up when he was nervous. She had noticed it as he once burst in the hotel room they had to stay because of a mission while she was standing in the middle of the room only in her black lace bra and her cat suit opened to the waist, the upper part pooling around her hip.

 

She will never forget how hard Steve had blushed. His neck and face turning red as he quickly looked away from her. Nibbling at his bottom lip that it swollen a bit, he had been stumbling so hard over his words, looking everywhere but in her near and fidged so much around that Natasha had to stop him before he could hurt himself. He had apologized a dozen of times for coming in without knocking that it was almost annoying.

 

 _Almost_.

 

Natasha could have sworn that she saw even his ears turning red as she had laughed and said that it was no big deal because it wasn't that he wouldn't know what’s under her cat suit.

 

He had been so uncomfortable and innocent, it was really cute and anything but what she was used to. But he had been also so flushed that she wanted to know where the blush ended. _Does his hard chest turn red as well?_

 

Maybe she should ask _Sharon_.

 

All of a sudden she felt sick.

 

"Damnit!", she cursed out loud. She was still standing in the entrance to her floor and abruptly she stomped right away in the direction to her kitchen.

 

On her way, she literally tore off her leather jacket and threw it into the hall without looking where it with a dull thud remained lying as if it was the one to blame.

 

Nothing could help her, except one thing and that one thing was her good old vodka bottle, which she had neatly stowed in the back of the fridge.

 

The refrigerator door was torn open and Natasha ungentle reached inside to grab the bottle which was standing in the back corner and she tore off the lid so that it landed in the sink with a clink. _(props to me, the author. What a rhyme.)_ Not caring a single bit, she took a generous gulp from the clear liquid.

 

Even tho she couldn't get drunk, the burning in her throat calmed her slightly. Breathing deep in, she forced her body to chill down but her mind still raced on high speed.

 

She was so fucking annoyed. By Steve, by Sharon, to hell also by Sam and Maria and their stupid cute date.

 

But it wasn't just rage and hate in her, there was something else. That what hurt like hell. Deep down at the place where usually a heart was. A sting that felt as if her cold heart was shredded in million pieces.

 

_Why was she feeling like that? Because Steve was seeing someone else? Because Steve had no time for her? Because she missed Steve?_

 

She never felt like that before, so emotional and… lost. The more she thought about it, the more it plagued her. But she could never be able to lov… no. To run away only did it worse, but that was the only thing she could do, the only thing she knew to do.

 

_Why does it hurt like that? Was that normal?_

 

Looking up at the ceiling, she slumped the vodka bottle down at the kitchen counter.

 

It was a fucking nightmare.

 

-

 

Steve didn't quite know where to put himself when he stepped out of the elevator.

 

"Welcome back, Captain. I hope you had a pleased evening",  JARVIS greeted him as the light turned on automatically.

 

"Thanks JARVIS", he replied to the friendly AI. “I don't want to be rude, but I would like to be alone. Deny any entrance and inform me if anyone wants to contact me.”

 

"Of course, Sir."

 

He simply didn't understand her. In one moment she ignored him, in the other she acted normally and then out of the blue she asked him if he went with out Sharon and by that suddenly gets mad at him, throwing daggers at him with her death glare.

 

The soldier really could not figure her out. And he did not even have a chance to react!

 

It was really frustrating, but he could only wait for her to come up to him. Pushing her would only make things worse and Steve really didn't want that. It was already as bad as it was now.

 

She put his nerves to rehearsals, he just wanted that everything were be as it used to be. If only he had not overreacted and kept his mouth shut then… then it would not have happened and he would just have repressed his feelings the whole time before, like he did just know.

 

Steve wasn't naïve, he knew that feelings for someone, especially for Natasha, wouldn't vanish over night. Every time he saw he, he got reminded of their time together.

 

He truly missed her. Her and her spiritedly nature.

 

For example when her eyes lit up in excitement and she suddenly was wide awake every time he bought ice cream for their movie nights. She was adorable when she tried not to show emotions but failed completely. Then Steve would bite back a smile and pretend like he didn't saw it.

 

Over the time he spent with her, he got more and more out of her, knowing when she was upset or excited even though she had her Black Widow mask on. Small details like the slight eyebrow twitch when she was confused or how she tried to hold back to kill Tony when he called her _Natashalie_ by biting her cheek and flexing her jaw.

 

To love her was a curse and yet he never complained. _Who would want to break free from her spell?_

 

He could not forget her, her features were burned-in in his mind, her deep green eyes that could see right into you soul.

 

She had ruined him.

 

Groaning, he made his way to his bedroom. Maybe sleep could help him.

 

-

 

Meanwhile, Natasha had decided to take a cold shower. And by cold she meant really fucking cold, like cold in the sense of the temperature in the Antarctic.

 

It was a remain of her time in the Red Room that she never unlearned. Everyday at the same time she had 5 minutes to shower in the cold steam of a shower that was more a run-down tiled storage room with no windows and no curtain.

 

The cold water was suppose to erase her running thoughts but to her disappointment it didn’t work, it only made it worse.

 

The drops on her skin felt heavy and colder then she remembered. Her hair was stick to her face and water splashed in her eyes, nose and mouth – quite uncomfortable, but Natasha made no effort to move, too tired and lost in thoughts.

 

She looked up to the showerhead and let the water drop down on her. She could see the water drops falling down on her while she blinked the water out of her eyes.

 

She felt alone.

 

Everybody had someone to lean on, to love, to support. Clint had Laura, Thor had Jane, Tony had Pepper, Maria had Sam… everybody was in a healthy and happy relationship. Before, she didn’t mind, hell she didn’t even noticed let alone thought about it, too distracted by work and Steve. But now? Now it cut deep… so deep, that she was scared.

 

The next thing she could feel, was the pain in her right hand. Blood was dripping down her knuckles, painting the tiles red. She had punched the wall.

 

It make her weak, she realized.

 

She couldn't allow that. _Love is for children._

 

Damn Steve for making her an emotional wreck who longed for affection and love.

 

She had to sort this out, right now or she would go mad. Jumping out of the shower, Natasha had one goal: Steve.

 

-

 

Steve couldn't sleep.

 

After the 100th time of rolling around in his bed, he groaned and eventually decided to get up again. His sleep rhythm has always been fucked up, so he didn't mind, he would probably hit the gym.

 

Still in his pajamas, which consisted of only a pair of sweatpants – he hated to sleep with shirts – Steve stepped out of his bed room to head to his living area.

 

He was just about to close the door behind him as out of the shadow someone grabbed him hard by the wrist and pulled him forward.

 

Immediately his senses were on high alert, Steve first looked down at the person before he would fight as he was moved with a solemnity that hauled him through his apartment.

 

Wind rushed in his ears and he got a glimpse on a petite body in front of him, red hair flying in the wind. His glaze moved to the hand that was gripping his wirst, he recognized it from somewhere.

 

Next, he was rudely pressed onto his couch until his back hit the couch back, surprised and stunned, he looked up to see Natasha standing in front of him.

 

_How did she get in here? JARVIS was supposed to deny any entrance..._

 

Steve had to blink a dozen of times to see clear, still taken by surprise.

 

A tight, black leggings snuggled against long slim, legs and she was wearing a loose gray over-sized hoodie that reached nearly to her knees. It was so big that it slid off her right shoulder, creamy white skin on display that looked smooth like silk.

 

_Wait, was that his hoodie?_

 

Her hair was still a bit wet, water still dripping on the sweater. The water made her hair darker than usual, in the shade of Merlot and it revealed her natural curls which she had lately worn almost straight.

 

She looked like she just got out of the shower and had thrown her clothes over quickly in a rush to come to him at lightning speed.

 

"Talk to me", Natasha clarified. She tried hard to make face serious as stone and yet she failed, it revealed more emotion he had ever seen on her beautiful face. Anger. Confusion. _Hurt?_

 

Steve could not do anything but stare at her. Like an Amazon she stood above him – furious and beautiful.

 

She gave a snort and tore her wet hair, which were only disheveled by it. Natasha never did that, except when she was confused and didn’t know what to do with herself.

 

Still, he couldn't find any words, her appearance making the words stuck in his throat.

 

"Talk to me!", she repeated herself while she stepped forward that she stood between his legs and leaned into him only to poke against his chest with her index finger. Steve didn’t even felt the pain, too memorized by her.

 

"About what–?", was the only thing that leaved his mouth before she poked him again at the same spot on his chest.

 

"You know exactly what I mean!"

 

"No, I clearly don’t know Natasha!", Steve exclaimed. "I can't smell what you want from me! And I can certainly not read your thoughts as you are expecting it from me!"

 

He let out a breath to calm himself. He had enough of their game, enough about how they never talked about their problems.

 

It finally had to be spoken plain text. She opened her mouth to answer, but he didn’t giver her a chance to.

 

"I’m sorry for caring for you. I’m sorry for what I did back then, to act without thinking further because I was blinded by jealousy. I had never the right to do it, nevertheless I did it and I’m truly sorry for that. I’ve never had the intention to make you feel uncomfortable. I’ve been wrong to think you’ve been feeling the same as I did. I’m sorry if I misunderstood everything we had."

 

Taking a shaky breath, the realization hit him that he was finally saying everything he wanted to tell her.

 

"It’s okay, really." His shoulder slumped down and he gave her a sad smile as he looked to the floor. It was harder to finally talk about it then he expected. "I came to terms with it and I’m trying to focus on something else, on Sharon, to… get things normal."

 

Natasha shook her head, like everything he said was nonsense.

 

"And are things normal?", she pointed back and forth between them. "Do you think how it’s now is _normal_?"

 

_She had ignored everything he just said…_

 

"No, certainly not! It isn't that its only my fau–"

 

"Hell yes it is! You were the one who thought it was right to jeopardize the damn mission."

 

"Oh, it’s still about that stupid mission?"

 

"No it’s not!"

 

"Then what Natasha, what is it about?!"

 

She did not reply, she stared only down at him. He knew screaming would led to nothing.

 

"Please Nat", he pleaded as he laid his hands on her shoulders. The spot where he touched her naked skin was hot under his palms, but he ignored it, the moment too important to get carried away. "You have to talk to me, please." His voice was quiet and soft, like he was talking to a wild animal that was scared and could run away every second.

 

To that, Natasha looked away like she didn't want him to see her emotions displaying on her face. He tilted his head to get a look in her eyes, softly trying her to talk to him.

 

"Dammit Steve!", she burst out and twisted out of his grip as it was burning her, stepping a few steps away from him while he was still sitting on the couch. "Why do you always have to be so damn perfect and understanding?”

 

"I’m far away from being perfect and don't change the subject."

 

Silence. And again, Natasha looked away and hugged herself, a gesture that signaled him uncertain and hurt she was.

 

Moments turned into minutes as he waited. The conflict she was going threw was clearly visible in her face and Steve didn't want to put pressure on her, she had to go threw a lot, he understood that.

 

"Okay, this leads to nothing", Steve said softly as he stood up and took a step in her direction, his eyes focused on her. "We can talk if you’re ready to–"

 

"I want us back like we were used to be!", she blurted out, finally facing him. Her green eyes were dark and shiny as she continued, "I want… I want our late-night talks, our lunch breaks, our movie nights, our jokes and insiders. I–I want you back in my life."

 

The last sentence he had almost missed, so quite she had said it.

 

"And what do you want me to be?", Steve asked her the exact same question as in the stolen car back then. At that time, he had barely know the Russian spy but the circumstances forced them to trust each other after all it were them against the rest of the world.

 

He needed her answer, to know what will come to him, to what he should be prepared for. Steve knew, he shouldn't make any hopes, but yet he couldn't stop himself.

 

It all depended on her.

 

"I–I don't know…"

 

His heart sank. Now it was his turn to look away, his hurt clearly displayed on his face. He was never good at acting let alone at repressing his feelings.

 

"Steve, I–"

 

"No. S’okay.", he interrupted and passed by her, his back facing the red head. He couldn't see her, couldn’t stand her in his presence, it hurt too much. "If that’s everythin’ you wanted from me, you may leave."

 

As he didn’t hear any movement behind him, he spoke up while he turned around, "Don’t make it harder than it already–“

 

He couldn't say anymore, his words muffled by a pair of soft lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Puh. What a chapter... and what a cliffhanger! What will happen after this end? Will they get to terms or will it make things just more complicated?
> 
> I hope you liked my small rhyme haha
> 
> -
> 
> It took be nearly more than a week to write this, at first I was certain to write my first smut ever, but it turned out to be more angsty than I planned – so no smut this chapter guys, I'm sorry!
> 
> BUT, I'm working on a one(maybe two-)-shot of pure smut with a bit plot!
> 
> -
> 
> “This Tumblr may contain sensitive media.” A big F for you Tumblr. You know how to demotivate someone, therefore no mood board.(my Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/nat-and-steve)
> 
> -
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this longer chapter and leave your thoughts in the comments <3


	7. The Yielding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mention of sexual content

She didn't know why she did it, but what she knew was the fact that she just couldn't stand the thought of Steve and Sharon being together, never ever. She had seen his hope in his blue eyes when he asked her what she wanted him to be for her.

 

Why she had hesitated like a fool and instead said she didn't know?

 

Well... she really didn't know. It had never occurred to her to think about exactly what she wanted, from him and generally in her life, never having really time for that and never felt like it. And to add to that, no one had asked her what she wanted, _she_ Natasha and not Black Widow, even though Natasha had no clue who _she_ was. It was always required of her, do this, hack that, kill this, seduce that, _blablabla,_ here was not really time to think about dreams and goals and feelings.

 

But Steve… Steve asked _her_ what she truly wanted.

 

And maybe she also did it because he was standing in front of her shirtless with his body of a young greek god that was literally glowing in the dark of his apartment, every muscle clearly on display like it was chiseled in marble. She could count his abs… _two, four, six… wait eight?_ He had a fucking _eight_ pack? And his arms… his biceps had a larger scope than her head and she could count every vein on his forearms. _May God help her._

 

Natasha had to admit, his body was a pretty good distraction for the spy and Natasha really had to pull herself together to not touch his hard body and smooth skin, but she wouldn't be called the greatest spy if she couldn't control her drooling desire. Focused like she never had been, Natasha settled full on his face and their conversation. And yes, she had ignored everything he had just said about being sorry for having feelings for her and everything, not because she thought it was nonsense, no. Because she didn’t know what to answer – what a surprise!

 

And as he turned away from her, with that expression like a hurt puppy with his blue eyes cloudy and dull... Natasha knew she had fucked up and this would probably be the end she couldn't accept. She hadn't been able to make her body turn and run away as fast as possible from him, which would have been the best, but instead she had been petrified. She couldn't move a finger let alone her feet, it feels like her body has defied her mind.

 

The only thing that went through her head was that she couldn't lose Steve, no matter what, she couldn't turn away from him and never look back, not after everything.

 

The fear and panic she felt... it clouded her mind and made her do what she did.

 

And with what did her useless brain came up with?

 

Yeah right. To kiss him.

 

It was simpler, she thought, letting her actions speak for her because she didn’t form the right words. She had been never the best when it came to express her own feelings, she was not used to let her true self act around people.

 

And now she was standing in the middle of Steve’s living room on her tip toes and with her hand around his neck to crank his face down to hers.

 

Natasha kissed him. Not because it was her task to do or because they had to keep their cover of a young married couple up, no.

 

Natasha kissed him out of selfish reasons, to show him what she couldn’t speak out because she was scared, of what will come and what will happen if she confessed.

 

The kiss was hard, lips collided with a uncontrolled force and before Natasha closed her eyes, she got a glimpse of Steve’s shocked and surprised impression, his eyes wide open and his mouth open.

 

First, he didn't really reacted. Like Steve had looked Medusa straight in her eyes, he stood petrified in front of her, his arms hanging lifelessly from his sides, his body numb. Natasha thought for a short moment, if this was really his first real kiss he got… but wait. She had kissed him on the escalator, that would make it his second.

 

But since he didn't make any signs to break the kiss, Natasha decided to take the chance and deepened the kiss. She tilted her head to the side to get a better access to his mouth while her other free hand grabbed his neck, her nails digging in the skin. His lips were still apart from shock and gently with a cautiousness, she didn't know she could muster, Natasha took his bottom lip between her lips and bite down slightly. To soothe the pain, she sucked on his lip and darted her tongue out and traced over the spot where she bite down.

 

Her plan worked, like the light pain and her wet tongue woken Steve up from his rigidity, his hands grabbed her roughly with force around her waist and pressed her against him. The jolt came unexpected and a low moan escaped her lips, _who could expect that Captain America like it rough?_ Maybe it was all the tension and stress she had caused him in the recent weeks.

 

The cautiousness and hesitation was forgotten as Steve moved a hand to the side of her face, traced with his thumb over her cheekbone and tilted her head more to stick his tongue between her lips. His lips moved against her with experience, stealing her breath. Steve’s other hand travelled down from her hips over her leggings until he reached her ass and grabbed the flesh of it while pressing her into him more and more to gain any kind of friction.

 

Natasha was so taken back by his lack of restraint that she couldn't do nothing more than to let herself lead.

 

Normally, she never left the control to somebody else, especially when it got intimate. In her job it was always risky to give up control of the situation. Natasha didn't see sex as pure pleasure, or at least the experience she had with it. In Russia, she had been taught that human desire is one of the greatest weaknesses of a human being and has been trained to recognize and exploit it. In her education to become a Black Widow, she had to shed all shame and shyness away, she had to get in the dark path of desire, and it was a fucking dark path. You wouldn't believe what people liked behind the bedroom doors, some thing were really fucked up. In her time as a KGB spy she had slept with many target persons and she was not ashamed of it, only what came afterwards was what she didn't let her sleep at night because after the pleasure came the elimination.

 

She had experience, a lot of experience when it came to sex, but she couldn't get smarter out of Steve. She was mistaken in the fact that she thought he would treat her like a porcelain doll; soft touches, sweet kisses and gentle ‘love-making' but that was quickly disproved as Steve grabbed her again under her ass, without caring if his grip was to hard or not, and picked her up. Out of instinct, Natasha wrapped her legs around his waist and crossed her legs above his ass to get closer to him, not leaving any free space between their bodies. To get any kind of relief, Natasha pressed her pelvis to his, never breaking the sloppy kiss.

 

A moan escaped Steve that got quickly swallowed by her as she pressed against him, twisting slightly with her hips. The reason why he got audible was quickly found; the hardness in his crotchvery noticeable through his sweatpants and poked her right where the urging heat was pooling between her legs. Natasha was very aware, that a simply making-out had got him so hard, and she loved every second of it.

 

With Natasha twined around him, Steve stumbled a few meter to the next wall and let them crash against it. Ungently, Natasha nudged her head against the wall, but couldn't afford herself to worry about it when Steve left her lips, only to let his mouth wander over her face. Wet open-mouthed kisses were placed on her chin, cheek and ear and finally Steve took her earlobe between his perfect lips and began to suck on it.

 

Now it was Natasha’s turn to moan and squirm under his touch as she clanged her nails in his neck where she held on as if her life depended on it.

 

Her body was trapped between the wall and the massiv body of Steve, even if she tried, she would fail to escape as Steve moved a hand away from her ass, of which he was very found of, and placed it right next to her head to stabilize them. As it seemed Natasha wasn't the only one who had her body not under full control, she could feel his ragged breaths on her ear while Steve continued to caress her neck. She was sure he was leaving some marks on it, not that she would complain. Traces that reminded her of the night before didn't even minded her, the whole world could see what Steve had done to her. Usually she made sure that the other wouldn't mark her skin, love bites or hickeys from a dead target weren't her thing.

 

His legs gave way slightly as Natasha let her hand brush over his toned abs she had earlier admired and lightly scratched over it with her fingernails, in reaction to that Steve moved his head away from her neck only to remove the hoodie she wore, or more tore it of from her. She could swear she heard a ripping sound.

 

Natasha opened her eyes and the first thing she saw how awestruck Steve looked at her now exposed breast, his eyes were dark and wide open, his lips red and wet, a bit bruised by her bites. If she wouldn't be this damn aroused, she would have laughed at him at how he was drooling at her chest like he had never seen a woman’s tits before. But like mentioned, her mind was busy with more important things, like how to get his pants away from him.

 

She shifted her hand from his torso more south until it rested above his throbbing length, grabbed it through his pants with the same eagerness he showed her. Steve bucked his hips in her hand and buried his face in her chest, sucking on a nipple and swirled his tongue around it until it hurt so hard it was. Still stroking him, Natasha pressed her torso to his eager mouth as he moved to the other nipple, like a gentleman he was he caressed both with the same attention. The sound of slops, rushed breaths, Steve’s groans and her moans filled the silence in the dark room.

 

It felt so good, Natasha could die happy know and wouldn't complain, her mind half in oblivion as Steve took the free break in his hands and kneaded it. He didn't even was in her pants and already she was driving crazy.

 

Steve once faced her again and clashed their lips together, their tongue fighting for dominance. The kiss was even dirtier than the ones before – if that was even possible. Natasha caught his tongue between her lips and began to suck on it like it was a candy, or his dick.

 

The hand that was still caressing her breast moved downwards to her hip where her waistband of leggings waited for him, while she had her fun with him. Expertly, he hooked a thump under it and tugged the fabric down so far to her tights until it was pooled at her knees and in front of his abs. Cold air hit her at her core as she was remaining only in her panties.

 

“Steve, трахни меня”, she moaned out between heavy breaths as she let go of his tongue. She looked straight in his eyes that burned with desire. His iris was wide blown, only small rings of blue were visible.

 

Even in her ears it sounded like a prayer, her voice low and dripping from arousal. Natasha never heard her so willing.

 

He didn’t reacted to her plea and just played with the hem of her panties while he rested his face in the crook of her neck. Natasha mover her arms around his neck and gripped his blond hair.

 

_Wait, had she just said that in Russian?_

 

He really had do things to her if she lost the line between English and her mother tongue so easily.

 

“Steve, fuck me”, she tried again and this time she had finally be able to collect her thoughts in the right langue and was surprised that it came out in the right order.

 

And then…

 

He stopped.

 

Frozen in his tracks with half of his hands in her panties, he fucking _stopped_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> translation: трахни меня – fuck me (No guarantee that it's correct, I used Google Translate)
> 
> CLIFF HANGER! I'm sorry...
> 
> Well, my first try with smutty actions. Why did Steve stop? And will this have a consequence for their relation?
> 
> -
> 
> Ok, so first a big apology for the late update. I could lie and say my life was busy, my laptop died blablabla, but tbh I was just lazy af and I had to collect and convince myself to write actual smut.
> 
> I can't promise if the next chapter will be ready next week or not.
> 
> Ha, and my first time it didn't turned out more angstier than I thought! What a achievement.
> 
> -
> 
> Next chapter: Steve's POV


	8. The Continuation

The only thing Steve could perceive was Natasha. Her smell, her touch, her moans and wimpers, her body under his fingertips… God, he could even hear the loud rapid beat of her heart.

 

Around him, the whole world got swallowed, everything forgotten but her small frame trapped between him and the wall behind her back.

 

He had buried himself in her, lost in pure pleasure and need as he kissed her, finally able to feel the pair of lips against his own he had day dreamed so often about and if he would have known how it felt, he had definitely tried this earlier.

 

Reality could not live up to his expectations or imagination, not even the slightest. No matter how hard he would try.

 

The urge he felt, to rip every remaining cloth of their bodies as Natasha roamed over his naked chest with her small and oh so soft hands, ner nails scratched over his sensitive skin and goosebumps covered his body. He didn't know how, but somehow he collected all his left self-control not to shredder her hoodie (his hoodie actually) of her small frame. He didn’t know how, but somehow the cloth made its way in one whole off Natasha‘s body, thrown away to the floor without care where it landed.

 

Steve swore to himself that he could have passed out from the sight in front of him. He needed a minute to collect himself, so he let his eyes wander.

 

His hungry gaze roamed over Natasha‘s face; mouth open and gaping with bruised wet lips, cheeks blushed by desire, eyes that were more black than green, hair mused because of his hands and friction the wall. Some red strands of hair falling in her face, making her even more sexier than she already was.

 

Natasha soaked every available air in, his eyes locked again on her full bruised lips that were red as cherry. He loved the shape of them, if he would be such in a rush, he would have taken his time to map her face to burn her features in his brain.

 

She had ruined him, he thought while he stared at her. She truly had ruined him. He won’t never look at another woman again without comparing her to Natasha. She would win, every time.

 

And he had just seen her half naked.

 

Her cheeks were slightly flushed from arousal and her eyes dark from desire with a gaze that begged him to have his ways with her and on the other way ate him up like was some kind of delicious candy. Her gaze was a combination between wild lust and something else he couldn’t point his finger at. Steve’s eyes wandered further down, along her exposed neck and her naked chest that moved in an uneven rhythm up and down, like on purpose his focus locked to her breast.

 

They were perfect like the rest of her, round and heavy with nipples who begged to be caressed by his mouth. They fit perfectly in his big hands like they were made just for him, he thought he took them in hand.

 

Steve knew he wasn’t nearly prepared for what was waiting for him underneath that tight leggings. Maybe he would really pass out, if alone the view of her shirtless in front of him was nearly too much for him to bare.

 

And how he could lose himself as she smirked her wicked smile at him and began to stroked him though his pants. An uneven rhythm that drove him mad, no real release by her ministrations. God. It was embarrassing in which short amount of time she had him rock hard, squirming and urging after release with her skilled and small hand. To distract himself to not made this a short time event, he focused on her chest again, sucking on her sensitive nipple, sticking his tongue out to intensify the pleasure. And oh how it worked. Natasha moaned under him and bit on her lip, as he continued.

 

He loved every little sound he got out of her. He listened to the noises that left her mouth to get to know what she liked and what drove her crazy. The blond was livid to get more noises out of her. Alone that turned him on like nothing else, to know that she was pleasured and enjoyed it.

 

Steve gently bite down on the other nipple, it would be a shame if it would be neglected, and suddenly a loud moan escaped between Natashas open lips. Fast she closed her mouth only to bite down on der bottom lip, like she could believe that she just moaned so loud that sure the neighbors could have heard it, but lucky for them that they lived in the Stark Tower.

 

He really wanted to hear more of her moans, they sounded like the sweetest melody he ever heard.

 

But he moved back up her body, his own desire was still somehow kept under control, but loomed to break out at any time, so he clashed their lips together, with his hand still on her left breast squeezing and weighing in his hand while he got access to her mouth by thrusting his tongue between her open lips. Their tongues fought against each other, teeth clashing and noses bumping into another, their hands scratching and grappling every little part of the other‘s body that got under their touch.

 

His last remaining self-control was thrown overboard as Natasha decided to give him a taste of what it would be like to have her on her knees before him. Only that she sucked on his tongue instead of his other part.

 

Now, he was lost. Thoughts like that he needed to be in her, now, flought his mind. Even tho Steve was Captain America, the Golden Boy, the role model of values and standards... he was only human. Not even he could resist the spell that the beautiful Russian laid on him. She had him, everything of him. She was everything he graved for. And he needed her. _Now._

 

Like magic, his hands found blind the hem of her leggings, only to tug them down as far as it went to reveal a black pair of panties. Steve had no real time to absorb the picture in front of him as Natasha stoped her attack on his mouth and said something under her breath. He saw her mouth moving but the words never found their way in his ears, all he could do was stare at her beautiful face, too lost in her breathtaking features to care about something else.

 

His mind was clouded by lust, so he first thought he had imagine things, his mind playing him a trick. Therefore he traced his free hand down her body, mapping every shape and every form to recreate a picture of her in his mind. His hand reached her belly and slowly it made its way down. Carefully with a teasing light touch, Steve sticked his hand in her panties.

 

_She’s gonna be the death of me…_

 

_The fabric was dampen, her lips swollen, he couldn’t find any trace of public hair between her legs..._

 

He wanted to make her feel good, like she did him. He wanted to see her come undone under his touch, moaning his name when she reached her high.

 

Steve would have been embarrassed about his inappropriate thoughts, but he couldn’t help himself. It was impossible, he had time to feel embarrassed afterwards, not now.

 

Steve was about to thrust his fingers in her burning hot core. He was still memorizing the features of pleasure on her face as Natasha closed her eyes once again and moved her lips…

 

“Steve... fuck me”, Natasha breathed out between two moans, her eyes heavy and her gaze dizzy as she slowly opened them again.

 

Like a snap her voice shook him up.

 

Like a cold wave, reality crashed over Steve, bringing him back to where he was – pressed against his living room wall with Natasha half naked in between, his hands in her panties and her hands taking care of him through the pants he still wore.

 

He was frozen in his tracks as he stopped what he was doing.

 

_What the hell was_ **_he_ ** _doing? What were_ **_they_ ** _doing?_

 

Natasha was trying to catch her breath, her chest moving in a fast rhyme, reminding him of all the times she had thrown him on the mat while sparing with thighs around his chest and her arms at his throat. Steve stared at her. She had the same wild and fierce expression in her eyes and the same reaction of her body.

 

He was at her merci, waiting for her what she would do next.

 

Her eyebrows frowned and her mouth parted like she was trying to say something. But her throat betrayed her, only small gasps escaped her bruised lips. He could sense that she was slightly confused and annoyed by his stilled movements.

 

Green eyes flicked between blue ones, trying to find an answer why exactly Steve had stopped in the middle of such an important matter.

 

But Steve? He could only continuing to stare at her. Dump and numb tried his clouded brain to handle this current situation.

 

_Did they ruined everything even more than it was before? Why and… how… what?_

 

They clearly went far, far over the line of a normal friendship and he knew that now after he gotten a taste of her, he could never forget it. He had felt too much as he kissed her.

 

And now here they were; Natasha panting under him with a bruised neck that showed traces of marks and shined in the dim light because of his wet kisses. he was still panting from lack of oxygen as he stared with in shock open widen eyes at Natasha. She slowly opened her eyes to stare back at him. She was also trying to get her breath under control, but her eyebrows frown and her mouth parted like she wanted to say something. He could sense that she was pissed at his teasing, but it wasn’t teasing. He couldn’t do that. To herself, to himself and to themself. It wasn’t the right way.

 

_What has he done?_

 

Instead of get things clear and to speak about their problems and feelings, they just did what they did every time when they were having a fight or an argument. Pretending nothing have happened, going on with their schedule, don’t looking back just forward.

 

Yeah that was what they always did and it lead them to where they were right here.

 

But on the other side… nowadays as Steve had learned people had often "friends with benefits“ relationships. Friends who were messing around but without to be tied down in a relationship were kind of normal today.

 

"It‘s easier“, Natasha had said once as they watched the same named movie "friends with benefits" like they did every Friday after a long day. Steve had been shocked and utterly blushed as the actors went straight to action after discussing that they didn’t want a relationship.

 

"You don’t have the pressure to fulfill the expectations of the other. No obligations like meeting the friends and family or like going out in expensive restaurants to impress the other. No back holding, I mean you are friends, you can show ever flaw you have, you have nothing to lose. You can make everything clear at the beginning, like the dude in the movie here. I bet he wouldn't have told her that he wants to wear socks while having sex. And yeah, for sure you care for each other but on a friendly basis, you can fool around without hurting one another“, Natasha has said while she took another slice of pizza and took a big bite. Between chewing she added with a shrug of her shoulders, „it‘s a clear win-win situation.“

 

Back then, Steve could frown at what she had said. It was a bizzare and new thought of something as precious as being intimate with some one. In his years, as he was a small boy, it was common to marry the woman you loved and to loose your innocence in the first night together of marriage - well that was the ideal. Even then, young people didn’t lived after the values doing what they wanted to do, but Steve had grown up in a strict Christian household. He believed in what was him taught.

 

Until everything changed. His believes didn’t changed, but life did.

 

The war, the army, the serum, the unknowing if the next day was your last, the death and the loss. To forget everything else, to mute the screams and begs of dying men - even if it was just for half an hour - it was only when you weren’t alone. So no, against the common thought of the media and the folk, Steve wasn’t untouched but he wasn’t indecent either, more like uptight.

 

“Hey”, Natasha interrupted his thoughts in a soft tone. She lifted her hand to the side of his face and tapped gently on his temple.

 

“Don’t get lost in here”, she said as she traced down his features, cheekbones and eyelids. Natasha caressed his face like it was something precious and fragile like sumptuous porcelain that could break every moment. The whole mood changed from heated desire and pleasure to tenderness and gentleness within a few blinks.

 

All he could do was to close his eyes and savor the moment. He wasn't alone. He wasn't going to lose her.

 

After a few minutes that felt like only a moment, Natasha spoke again.

 

“Do you trust me?”, she asked, the same question as then in Sam’s house and Steve opened his eyes again.

 

They locked eyes again as Natasha removed her other hand from his pants and instead stroked the hair on his neck, her gaze never left his. Her movements were slow and without rush, like they had every time of the world. As he stared at her, all he could find was understanding and affection in the emerald orbs who had such a calming effect on him.

 

Under her gaze and touch, it was almost too much for Steve.

 

So he nodded to her question. He trusted her completely, with every fiber of his body. He would lay his life in her bare hands and the other way around he would do anything for her.

 

Without saying a word, Natasha broke away from him. Tip toes touched the floor again and Natasha swayed a little, still shaky on her feet because of what happened the last 10 minutes. He already missed her skin on his and the heat of her body. When she bent down to pick up the thrown away sweater and put it on again, cold fear spread through Steve. Now he had not only destroyed their friendship, but also any chance of…

 

But instead of turning her back to him and running straight out of here, Natasha stood with confidence in front of him and took his hand in hers and slowly smiled at him. A small smile, but a true smile, a smile that meant so much more than it seemed.

 

_He loved her._

 

It was this moment as she hold his calloused hand in her soft ones, as she looked at him and saw Steve Rogers and not Captain America - a fallen hero. It was this moment, he loved her. It wasn't just a foolish crush or pure admiration. No. _He loved her._

 

His feet began to move, Steve let Natasha lead them to his bedroom, he was grateful for that, his brain and body too petrified to move themselves on their own. As they took their way through the hallway, Steve gaped at her, his eyes trained on her back of head. He couldn't believe that she was real. For him she was human perfection, in every way – _why couldn’t she see that?_

 

He would do everything to let herself see as he did her. No matter of its cost.

 

And with that his bedroom door closed with them on the other side of the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive and didn't forget about you! <33


End file.
